Last week I was alerted to the existence of this one site called PUAHate.com. It is basically a forum where guys and girls discuss their hatred of dating coaches and specifically the PUA community dating coaches. Although I don’t condone hate and anger against the PUA community, some of what they discuss makes sense in their critique of the PUA community, and I will leave it up to you to look up different viewpoints and decide for yourself what makes sense to you and what doesn’t. One thing I did learn by talking to these guys though is that one of the big reasons guys may not achieve success with women (or anything else) is the “excuser” mindset.
First, let’s look at the two points many of these excusers posed to me in why learning how to be successful with women is futile:
1. You need to be good looking.
2. Game cannot be taught or learned.
Here are my responses to those counterpoints:
1. Good Looks
I am a good looking guy. Most of the people I have met from the PUA community are good looking guys. All of my clients are good looking guys (for those of you who are clients of mine reading this, you know this to be true).
(I define good looks as having a good build: athletic, slim, muscular, or slightly thick [not really skinny or obese]; a decent haircut to complement one's face; an average [at least] clothing style; and a slightly above average looking face.)
That being said, every one of those people (including me) at one time or another had something in common other than good looks: They had trouble getting women.
I have rectified that in myself through 5 years of learning (and unlearning) stuff from the PUA community, stuff from the counter-PUA community (David X, Alan Roger Currie, Sleazy, 60, etc.), and mostly from my own experience (the primary teacher for everyone). So I went from a good looking guy that couldn't get a date to save his life, to a good looking guy that regularly gets 2-3 dates a week.
To counter that I have a friend who is Indian, medium height, and has a little bit of a belly. He dresses nice though, and has a great haircut. He is an average looking non-white male though. He was my mentor throughout the period where I learned how to get women. Despite not being particularly good-looking he has amazing success in getting very beautiful women. I will say this though, he is amazingly charming and charismatic, and his game is a 10. He is one smooth man.
2. Guys cannot teach/learn game
I already said this, but the primary teacher needs to be one's own experience. Coaching is a supplement used to assist one on their journey to success. There is no quick fix or magic pill. The reason guys get into the PUA community is because they want to believe there is. Some (like me) continue to work hard and find success. Others stick their tail between their legs and walk away after figuring out that the magic pill is complete bullshit.
You can learn how to be good with women. The key is to work hard and to learn from your experiences. A good coach can help you with this process significantly. As long as they have the experience to identify your weaknesses, and are realistic with you on what you need to do to be successful, then they can be invaluable.
The stuff I learned from David X and Alan Roger Currie were invaluable for me to learn how to get rid of excuses, fear, and the bullshit that most of the PUA community teaches.
My system is very simple. I taught my system to multiple friends and acquaintances (for free at first) and observed that they had much better results in meeting and dating women online than before they used my system. That made it very clear to me that my system was effective enough to teach to others in a professional sense.
Now, I thoroughly believe that any guy can have trouble meeting women despite how he may look and that it can be fixed if he is mentored into the correct mindset. This has been proven true through my experience and the experience of many others.
Now that I have answered the two excuses I hear the most, I want to get into what I think defines an excuser:
They might sit around their ass reading a bunch of PUA stuff. They might sit around on their ass and critique and hate on guys that claim to have success with women. They might sit around on their ass beating off and watching porn instead of going out and meeting women like they would like to do.
The whole point is that the only thing they do is sit around on their ass, bitch, and complain, all while the whole world is moving on without them. These kinds of people won't ever see success. Dating coaches cannot help them. Neither can therapists or medical professionals.
Why?
Because they refuse to understand that to get anything that truly has anything of value to them that they have to really work hard. They feel entitled to success, and don't realize they have to earn it.
At the end of the day, they want to rationalize to themselves why they cannot get what they desire. So they lie to themselves. They are weak, pathetic, useless liars.
Their rationalizations come off as "You need to be rich or really good looking to get women." When reality clearly shows that there are tons of poor men and ugly guys that get women. These successful men don't even use any top-secret PUA tactics either.
They even put people down and hate on people that do give them good advice and try to help them.
They make excuses, and will never achieve any kind of success while doing so.
I am not of this second type, and I will not take someone as a student of mine if I feel they are of this second type. I cannot help them, and I will not help them. I will refund their money upfront and turn them away if I feel that they are of this type.
They are helpless, unless they make the decision to help themselves.
This may sound harsh, but I feel like it is critical to let people know that there isn’t help for everybody. There can only be help for those who want to work hard at achieving that which they really desire.
I hope you guys can see the darkness and self-destruction that comes with being excuser. As long as you stay excuse free, I know that together we will go far.
Go ahead to my website if you haven’t already to sign up for one of my affordable coaching options.
As always, keep womanizing!
Your friend,
The Web Womanizer
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
My Rules of Inner Game
Lately, I have been working with quite a few clients on writing dating profiles. Most every guy can easily understand how to use my system. When it comes down to it my system is pretty simple, and it is useful for one primary thing: To market yourself in the best manner when it comes to online dating. The system is not meant to be a shortcut into every woman’s pants. There is no way you will ever get every woman you want. The only thing you can control is how efficiently you can get what you want. This is why you need to focus on bettering your communication skills and developing the values, principles, and inner game to ensure success.
Most people ask the wrong questions (when coming to me or other dating coaches for advice). They ask the questions: “What do I say to get the girl?” or “What do I do to get the girl to like me?” These are the wrong questions to ask. Now, you do need to know how to effectively communicate what you want, and for online dating you need to know how to effectively market yourself. However, you need to know many other things first. In reality, knowing how to communicate is one of the easiest parts of successful dating. The hard part is developing the foundation: values, principles, and inner game.
What is the real first question you should ask? The better first question is: What do I want? (Instead of wondering what THEY want). Here is the deal: You will NEVER know what THEY want or like or think or makes them wet. Stop worrying about trying. Also, if you do not know what you want, then you are shooting in the dark. How do you know what goal to reach if you don’t even know the goal? Think very hard about what you want. Define it. Write it down. Be VERY specific. What kind of girl do you want? Now, disregarding their looks, what else do you want? What personality traits? What values? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Serious? Long-term? Short-term? One night stand? Casual sex? Friends with benefits?
Now that you know what you want, you can now build that foundation. First off, let’s focus on your core values. You need at least two. These two are honesty and self-respect (respecting others is important too). You need to be honest with yourself about what you want, who you are, and what really makes you happy. Forget about all of that bullshit about being rich or dating nines and dimes. Figure out what you really want. Once you master that, be honest with everyone else. Learn to look everyone you meet in the eye and tell them exactly what you think or feel. Now, be tactful, but be honest and open with people. This will lead to a much real interaction with everyone, including members of the opposite sex. Also, you will have much less stress and anxiety inside your head from keeping up with your own lies. Let’s make this very simple: Think out loud. Do this especially around women. Let them know what you want, who you are, and what you want from them UPFRONT.
Once you are honest with yourself, it is easy to know your limitations, faults, and attractive qualities. It becomes much easier to love yourself for who you are. You need this sense of self-respect and self-honesty to feel comfortable around people. This is the key to relaxing and having self-confidence. You know yourself, you accept yourself, and you are comfortable in your own skin. If someone disrespects your boundaries or contradicts what you want for yourself, you need to protect your boundaries. Be direct with them. Be honest. This upfront honesty and demand for respect will cause people to be honest and to respect you. This is the core of being a man.
Now that you know what you want, are completely upfront and honest about it to yourself and others, and demand respect for your person, you can now go for what you want. Here are the rules to live by:
1. Put your own interests, wants, and self before others
2. Make sure everything is consistent with what you want, or confront the problem honestly or walk completely away if necessary
3. Don’t care about what others think or listen to what they say while going for what you want
4. Always be moving every situation forward: Always be closing
Once you know what you want, are open and honest about it, and have defined boundaries, then these rules will help you reach your goals and maintain your boundaries, values, and self-respect. Don’t ever be short-sighted. If you think that being dishonest, disrespectful (to yourself especially), or that if you do what women say you should to get with them (you may or may not) but you will most likely lose in the end.
This inner game system is easy and simple (though it could possibly take years to “get it”). You just have to know what you want and go for it. Persist, persist, persist (until she slaps you in the face, stops talking to you, or fucks you). Think about it… If you “fuck up” with women it usually comes down to this: She is not interested (you know this right away if you are open and honest); stuff happens that you don’t want (because you let it); you act like a wussy and she moves on (because you either lied, or you supplicated because you kept giving her what she said she wanted); or you stalled out because you were a pussy (because you were too afraid to escalate and close the deal. This also comes from the fact that you care about what she thinks.).
These rules and this mindset is essential to being successful with women. Study it carefully. It seems simple (and it is) but it is the mindset that will separate chumps from players.
Here are some other coaches I recommend for this subject:
DavidX
WATCH THIS!!! This is a very important speech on the mindset:
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTMxNDU5Mzk2.html
Here is his website. Get his book, watch and listen to his videos and podcasts:
http://www.davidxdating.com/
Alan Roger Currie
Go to his website. Buy his books and listen to his podcasts:
http://www.modeone.net/
After you absorb all of this, go ahead and signup for some of my personal coaching if you haven’t already.
Most people ask the wrong questions (when coming to me or other dating coaches for advice). They ask the questions: “What do I say to get the girl?” or “What do I do to get the girl to like me?” These are the wrong questions to ask. Now, you do need to know how to effectively communicate what you want, and for online dating you need to know how to effectively market yourself. However, you need to know many other things first. In reality, knowing how to communicate is one of the easiest parts of successful dating. The hard part is developing the foundation: values, principles, and inner game.
What is the real first question you should ask? The better first question is: What do I want? (Instead of wondering what THEY want). Here is the deal: You will NEVER know what THEY want or like or think or makes them wet. Stop worrying about trying. Also, if you do not know what you want, then you are shooting in the dark. How do you know what goal to reach if you don’t even know the goal? Think very hard about what you want. Define it. Write it down. Be VERY specific. What kind of girl do you want? Now, disregarding their looks, what else do you want? What personality traits? What values? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Serious? Long-term? Short-term? One night stand? Casual sex? Friends with benefits?
Now that you know what you want, you can now build that foundation. First off, let’s focus on your core values. You need at least two. These two are honesty and self-respect (respecting others is important too). You need to be honest with yourself about what you want, who you are, and what really makes you happy. Forget about all of that bullshit about being rich or dating nines and dimes. Figure out what you really want. Once you master that, be honest with everyone else. Learn to look everyone you meet in the eye and tell them exactly what you think or feel. Now, be tactful, but be honest and open with people. This will lead to a much real interaction with everyone, including members of the opposite sex. Also, you will have much less stress and anxiety inside your head from keeping up with your own lies. Let’s make this very simple: Think out loud. Do this especially around women. Let them know what you want, who you are, and what you want from them UPFRONT.
Once you are honest with yourself, it is easy to know your limitations, faults, and attractive qualities. It becomes much easier to love yourself for who you are. You need this sense of self-respect and self-honesty to feel comfortable around people. This is the key to relaxing and having self-confidence. You know yourself, you accept yourself, and you are comfortable in your own skin. If someone disrespects your boundaries or contradicts what you want for yourself, you need to protect your boundaries. Be direct with them. Be honest. This upfront honesty and demand for respect will cause people to be honest and to respect you. This is the core of being a man.
Now that you know what you want, are completely upfront and honest about it to yourself and others, and demand respect for your person, you can now go for what you want. Here are the rules to live by:
1. Put your own interests, wants, and self before others
2. Make sure everything is consistent with what you want, or confront the problem honestly or walk completely away if necessary
3. Don’t care about what others think or listen to what they say while going for what you want
4. Always be moving every situation forward: Always be closing
Once you know what you want, are open and honest about it, and have defined boundaries, then these rules will help you reach your goals and maintain your boundaries, values, and self-respect. Don’t ever be short-sighted. If you think that being dishonest, disrespectful (to yourself especially), or that if you do what women say you should to get with them (you may or may not) but you will most likely lose in the end.
This inner game system is easy and simple (though it could possibly take years to “get it”). You just have to know what you want and go for it. Persist, persist, persist (until she slaps you in the face, stops talking to you, or fucks you). Think about it… If you “fuck up” with women it usually comes down to this: She is not interested (you know this right away if you are open and honest); stuff happens that you don’t want (because you let it); you act like a wussy and she moves on (because you either lied, or you supplicated because you kept giving her what she said she wanted); or you stalled out because you were a pussy (because you were too afraid to escalate and close the deal. This also comes from the fact that you care about what she thinks.).
These rules and this mindset is essential to being successful with women. Study it carefully. It seems simple (and it is) but it is the mindset that will separate chumps from players.
Here are some other coaches I recommend for this subject:
DavidX
WATCH THIS!!! This is a very important speech on the mindset:
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTMxNDU5Mzk2.html
Here is his website. Get his book, watch and listen to his videos and podcasts:
http://www.davidxdating.com/
Alan Roger Currie
Go to his website. Buy his books and listen to his podcasts:
http://www.modeone.net/
After you absorb all of this, go ahead and signup for some of my personal coaching if you haven’t already.
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